I propose a dream team in a dream university,
a team that would make a splash in the academic
world. Instead of staying in frigid Montreal, we intend to set it up
in sunny Argentina, on the campus of
Universidad de Moron.
I propose a dream team in a dream university,
a team that would make a splash in the academic
world. Instead of staying in frigid Montreal, we intend to set it up
in sunny Argentina, on the campus of
Universidad de Moron.
Presenting Professor Alberto del Bimbo from the University of Firenze, Italy, a computer engineer.
Electrical Engineering will be covered by
tubing specialist Dr. Murat Kunt from the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology (EPFL) where, presently, he is Professor of Electrical Engineering and Director of the Signal Processing Laboratory.
Since Dr. Kunt's French is abysmal, we suggest hiring a professor of French, someone with the credentials of Dr. Jane Kuntz from the University of Illinois.
And we can't mention Jane Kuntz, without mentioning
in the same sentence Professor Reinhardt Adolfo Fuck
from the Institute of Geosciences at the University of Brasilia.
The Fuck-Kuntz team has no equal on the American continent.
Jane will be able to practice her French also with our future
Dean of Medicine,
Dr. Martin Zizi,
a well-known Belgian neurophysiologist who teaches at the Vrije Universiteit
of Brussels and the Katholieke Universiteit of Leuven.
If you think that size does not matter, wait until you have seen
the expansive personality of Zizi.
The seminal Zizi-Wanker paper led us to complete the medical
department by hiring Zizi's coauthor,
Dr. Erich Wanker,
a researcher from the
Max-Planck institute for Molecular Genetics in Berlin, Germany.
The Faculty of Engineering will be built around
Dr. Ammar Kaka,
who teaches in the Department of
Building Engineering at the University of Liverpool.
His regularity is legendary.
To those who object to my suggestion of Kaka, I say Fuk Yu. I mean, the Faculty of Engineering's computer support network will thrive in the capable hands of Mr. Chik Fuk Yu Joe , who currently works in the Faculty of Information Technology of Monash University in Australia. No picture available yet!
We intend to build a Center for Environmental Studies, for which we hired
Dr. Anil Kumar Dikshit
from the Indian Institute of Technology of Bombay.
From the Laboratory for Waste Management at the
Paul Scherrer Institute in Switzerland comes Belgian-born
Dr. Jan Tits,
the son of Abel prize winner
Jacques Tits
(Collè de France).
In am sure Dikshit will be thrilled with Tits.
I will make a bold move for the Faculty of Science. The only scientist I know who has
simultaneously published on mudskippers, the snakehead Channa asiatica, and
the intestine of Bostrichthys sinensis, and the author of the
masterpiece ``Tolerance and Excretion'' (Academic Press, 2001),
Professor Chew Shit Fun,
will have to be lured away from the National Institute of Education in Singapore to
head our Faculty of Science.
From the University of Minnesota's Department of Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature
comes Swiss-born internet
specialist Dr. Peter Krapp.
But long before Krapp, we heard from
Professor Saul Gass
in Management Science and Statistics at the College of Business and
Management, University of Maryland.
He will join our statistics group.
The quartet Gass-Krapp-Kaka-Shit Fun will be housed together in
a carefully isolated
sciences and engineering building.
Smoking will not be allowed in the office of Professor Gass.
The Faculty of Arts will showcase
Professor Dolly Pussi,
an Argentine film maker, and Professor at and President of
FEISAL,
the Federación Latinoamericana de Escuelas de la Imagen y el Sonido.
Christopher Cock, a
music professor from Valparaiso University,
will join Pussi. For this occasion, we have created the
Cock&Pussi Student Scholarship to support exceptionally talented
violinists.
Professor Jan Assmann, a
respected egyptologist from the University of Heidelberg,
has agreed to organize summer study trips to look for mummies
at the university's exploration site in Wadesdah.
With Jan Tits, he will manage the Tits & Assmann Lecture Series,
which will be held in the Del Bimbo Auditorium.
There was some controversy regarding our proposal to hire
socio-economist and devouted callipygian, Dr. Gernot Grabher from the
University of Bonn. In a webcast interview about Grabher Assmann wiggled out of
a hairy situation by lauding the 1998 Grabher Kunt experiment which
led to the paper Risky Intersections
(to appear in Progress in Human Geography in 2006).
Contact
Luc Devroye
School of Computer Science
McGill University
Montreal, Canada H3A 2K6
lucdevroye@gmail.com
http://cg.scs.carleton.ca/~luc