Bring on the drugs
The argument
The research world is a competitive place.
One has to perform, innovate, create, think, sweat, concentrate,
decipher, write, organize, explain, convince and argue.
Not once a month, or once a week, but almost daily.
It is incumbent upon the universities that provide
research facilities to optimize the performances of their
researchers. One area mostly neglected by nearly all
universities is the psycho-medical support of their A teams.
It is an oversight that costs them many places in
international rankings and may see them slide against
hyperactive opponents.
The drugs
It is well-known that amphetamines (speed) enhance performance.
One of the world's most prolific mathematicians,
Paul Erdös (1913-1996), took speed for most of his life, and
slowed down remarkably when because of a bet he had to stay off them
for a month (read this).
He wrote about 1,500 papers.
Sleepy mathematicians or computer scientists sometimes resort to modafinil (provigil,
alertec), a drug that has some side effects but that keeps one awake
during the daytime.
I know many mathematicians who could use a good dose of modafinil before
departmental seminars and at international conferences.
Some people, including this writer, get an alertness boost
from the cheap decongestant
drug, sudafed.
Its active ingredient is pseudoephedrine hydrochloride.
Pseudoephedrine has fallen out of grace with the law in several
countries, so Pfizer is proposing a watered down and worthless
version (for alertness, at least) called "sudafed pe".
The most common performance-enhancing drug is coffee. For some reason,
it has become acceptable to use coffee for this purpose, but not so
for the drugs mentioned above. Major commercial research labs such
as Google's provide unlimited amounts of coffee free of charge to
their teams. Some universities have realized the
fine return on their investment (a couple of dollars per day per researcher
for a huge increase in output and creativity), and are adopting the
same strategy.
Nicotine is another stimulant. Many prolific writers cannot live without it.
Cigarette breaks provide important triggers for the mind.
Enhanced output and creativity also comes from oxygen pumped to the mind.
Nothing is better before an important speech than a brisk one hour walk.
Nothing is worse for a researcher than an office building with sealed windows and recirculated,
polluted and oxygen-starved air.
The proposal
Start with annual physical check-ups for all research staff.
Next, make coffee the drug of choice. Let it flow without limit,
preferably the strong Italian kind, from every machine in every
corridor, 24 hours per day.
Treat smokers with respect. Design breathtaking smoking areas.
To those who want amphetamines or other stimulants, the universities
should provide prescriptions without the hassle of doctor's office
visits.
Get rid of closed windows and fix the air inside office buildings.
For example, on my campus, every building
constructed after 1970 is basically useless.
Contact
Luc Devroye
School of Computer Science
McGill University
Montreal, Canada H3A 2K6
luc@cs.mcgill.ca
http://luc.devroye.org/index.html
