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Apostrophe
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- Anything by Rodney Fehsenfeld, Carson bandwagoneer extraordinaire. Bad bad
bad. Well, I suppose his Fury font had some uses, but come on, the bones of
Dwiggins would start rattling at the prospect of Carson being a "designer".
- House Chalet. The only thing worse than knocking off a font is knocking
off a bunch of them and releasing them in one package, falsely marketing it
as a historical collectible, then selling slanted versions for $50.
- Effexor, by yours truly. I love those letter shapes, but they're useless.
- Neuropol Nova and Neuropol X, by Ray Larabie. I still wonder what those
sets have that Neuropol doesn't.
- Mini7, for all the times I had to poke the screen with my nose to be able
to read it.
- Narly, Totally and Variex, by Zuzana Licko. Her other stuff ain't half as
bad, but these three are just brutal.
- FF Letter Gothic Slang, and FF Letter Gothic Slang Text, by Susanna
Dulkinys. No point to those two at all.
- Anything by Alessio Leonardi. For all the publicity this guy got from
Fontshop, he's still yet to release a real font.
- Any and all "alphading" fonts. I bet I'm not the only one fed up with
seeing letters on all sorts of colourless fruits.
- Keester, by Jim Parkinson. I have no idea how that font won an award.
- Quilted, by Brian Bonislawsky. Come on now. $18 for that? Not only
existing letters, but now they look worse! And he says that font was done
by, ahem, request!
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Punk Panther
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Comic Sans (M$): It gives me the screaming heebies for some reason
and my wife has been unconsciously avoiding it for years now. (We talk
about the strangest things at the dinner table...)
- Any illegible font (various): These have been deleted outright before
addition to our "collection". Note this *does not* include fonts/faces
of languages we do not know. The current, deleted, record-holder had
only one character of the 255 that was *almost* recognizeable to our
active imaginations. Ugh.
- Outright thefts (various): Our message to lawyers and potential
perpetrators--"Grow up and call it what it is and cite your sources. We
won't think any less of you. If you create a better rendition of a
traditional face or create a version for use in a particular purpose
that others do not accomplish (looks better as a display font or on the
wwweb; looks ugly on a monitor but just dashing on a laser printer or a
particular press; has punctuation or diacritics for other versions;
etc.) we might even pay you for it as long as you name it what it is (if
legally possible) and take credit only for your own work. Otherwise, you
will probably lose our interest in all of your 'works'. We realize that
some 'copyright owners' may have some nasty legal words for showing them
up but we'll tell them to grow up too--in court if necessary, at our own
expense."
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Mike Yanega
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- Most of Clotylde Olyff's inventive, but illegible "Alpha" series for Font
Bureau. These things look like escapees from an IQ test.
- Almost any completely square 'techno" font. After the first two or three of
this genre, no more are needed!
- Any more "Ransome" style collage fonts. One of those is enough too.
- Any 'grunged' Blackletter font. Come on, already, it makes no sense to
'distress' something that was never done mechanically, unless it's a protest
against any Blackletter that isn't handwritten.
- "Minos" by Christian Götz, for Linotype, is pretty impossible to read, which
is clever as a typographic metaphor for a labyrinth, but not to use for
communication.
- And last, but by no means least, the one type of font that should never have
seen the light of day is any font that is a straight re-named rip-off of ANY
other font.
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